Wednesday, 22 February 2012

House of the Day: David Hyde Pierce's Spanish Palace

It's a home that even the obsessively picky Dr. Niles Crane would love.

Which is a shame, because it appears that his off-screen self, the Emmy Award-winning actor David Hyde Pierce, is over it.

AOL Real Estate has learned that Pierce has just listed his exquisite, Spanish Colonial-style mansion in Los Angeles for $7.5 million. Granted, Pierce has owned the house for nine years (a lifetime in the fickle world of Hollywood real estate), but if that house were ours, we'd never want to leave.

With 1920s-Spanish features like a grand rotunda entrance, a stunning baronial fireplace, and a gorgeous spiral staircase rising to a stained glass ceiling, the home is anything but your typical California McMansion.

The home is decked out in warm, earthy tones and each room is beautifully illuminated by chandeliers or other artful fixtures.

Muammar Gaddafi Dead: Mansour Iddhow, Former Servant, Recounts Colonel's Final Days


He was one of the last people to see Muammar Gaddafi alive. He was there when the Libyan dictator's convoy was struck by NATO and when he was captured by rebel forces.

Now Mansour Iddhow, the former head of Libya's homeland security, has spoken from a Libyan prison with Al Jazeera's Tony Birtley about his former boss' final days.

According to Iddhow, Libya's former leader had no escape plan. After the fall of Tripoli into rebel hands, Gaddafi saw no other option than to head for his home town Sirte.

 "Gaddafi didn't plan anything, nor did his son Motassim, nor the head of security," Iddhow said. "From the moment we arrived in Sirte, Abdullah Senussi and I advised him to leave because it was a small city and could easily be blocked. It was like a room, with nowhere to go. Staying was suicide. But Gaddafi did not listen to us."

Iddhow's account echoes earlier statements made by Gaddafi's driver Huneish Nasr and bodyguard Mansur Dao.

Huneish Nasr, Gaddafi's driver for 30 years, told The Guardian in an interview that "Gaddafi wasn't scared, but he didn't seem to know what to do."
Nasr told the Guardian:
Everything was exploding. The revolutionaries were coming for us. He wasn't scared, but he didn't seem to know what to do. It was the only time I ever saw him like that.
Bodyguard Mansur Dao, who was also traveling in the convoy, told the Associated Press that Gaddafi was not leading the battle in those final days; instead, his sons were in charge.

 "We were scared of the airstrikes and the shelling," Dao said, adding that he did not believe that Gaddafi was afraid.

Gaddafi was captured on October 20, 2011, after NATO bombed the convoy in which he was travelling on the outskirts of the city of Sirte.

Gaddafi was captured and later died in rebel custody. According to the Associated Press, Gaddafi and his entourage were "largely cut off from the world while on the run, living in abandoned homes without TV, phones or electricity, using candles for light," and the ousted leader spent his time "reading, jotting down notes or brewing tea on a coal stove."
One year after the start of Libya's revolution, thousands of pro-Gaddafi fighters like Mansur Iddhib are held in makeshift prisons, Al Jazeera reports, and many are held captive without charges being filed.

A recent report by rights organization Amnesty International strongly condemned Libya's militias for unlawfully holding Gaddafi loyalists and torturing detainees.

Militias have detained thousands of alleged Gaddafi loyalists, held people outside any legal framework, and tortured and killed scores of prisoners, the report notes.

Bob Morris, Indiana Lawmaker, Calls Girl Scouts A 'Radicalized Organization' (VIDEO)

An Indiana lawmaker has decided not to support a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts because he feels the group is a "radicalized organization" that "sexualizes" young girls and promotes homosexuality.

In a letter sent to Indiana lawmakers obtained by the Journal Gazette, Rep. Bob Morris (R-Fort Wayne) said he plans to pull his two daughters out of their Indiana Girl Scout troop because information he found online about how the organization allegedly operates. One source he mentions is conservative "news" site World Net Daily.
The Associated Press reports:
... Morris said he found online allegations that the Girl Scouts are a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood, encourage sex and allow transgender females to join. He also wrote that the fact that first lady Michelle Obama is honorary president should give lawmakers pause before they endorse the Girl Scouts.
Morris goes on to say those considered role models by the Girl Scouts are all "feminists, lesbians, or Communists" and claims that troops are no longer allowed to pray or sing Christmas Carols.

Morris is the only Indiana lawmaker who has refused to sign the nonbinding resolution, which aims to honor the "strong positive influence" the group has had on American women.

The Girl Scouts have been criticized by conservatives after allowing a 7-year-old transgender child into a Colorado troop in the fall.

 Ashley Sharp, assistant director of marketing for the Girl Scouts of Northern Indiana-Michiana, told the Indiana News Center that there are several websites dedicated to "exposing" the organization.

“Misinformation is passing as fact,” Diane Tipton, president of the Girl Scout Council of the Nation’s Capital, told the Washington Post in January.

“The Girl Scout organization does not take a position on abortion or birth control, and these topics are not part of the Girl Scout program or our materials. We believe these matters are best discussed by girls with their families.”
In response to these allegations, the Girl Scouts have released a statement of where they stand on sensitive issues here [PDF].

Sugarland Lawyers: Indiana State Fair Victims at Least Partially to Blame for Injuries

Jason Kempin, WireImage INDIANAPOLIS (AP) - Fans who were killed and injured when stage rigging and sound equipment collapsed onto them as they awaited a Sugarland concert at the Indiana State Fair failed to take steps to ensure their own safety and are at least in part to blame for their injuries, the country duo's attorneys said.

The statement, part of a Feb. 16 response to a civil suit filed by survivors and families of some of those killed, comes in sharp contrast to earlier statements by lead singer Jennifer Nettles and appears to be an attempt to cast blame elsewhere.

Calling the powerful winds that toppled the stage on Aug. 13 an "act of God," Sugarland's attorneys said fair officials and Mid-America Sound

 Corp. were responsible for the stage setup, and that the fans voluntarily assumed risk by attending the show.

"Some or all of the plaintiffs' claimed injuries resulted from their own fault," according to the band's response. Sugarland attorney James H. Mil stone did not immediately respond to a phone call seeking comment Tuesday.

Seven people died and 58 were injured in the crush beneath the metal rigging and concert sound equipment.

Nettles told The Associated Press in a statement issued through her manager two days after the collapse that she was "moved by the grief of those families who lost loved ones.

 Moved by the pain of those who were injured and the fear of their families. Moved by the great heroism as I watched so many brave Indianapolis fans actually run toward the stage to try and help lift and rescue those injured. Moved by the quickness and organization of the emergency workers who set up the triage and tended to the injured."

Attorneys representing at least 20 law firms across Indiana, Ohio and Kentucky filed the complaint Nov. 22 in Marion Superior Court in Indianapolis alleging breach of reasonable care to the victims.

 The suit names as plaintiffs dozens of people injured and the families of so me of those killed, and it seeks unspecified damages from Sugarland, producers, stage riggers and others associated with the show.

Jeff Stesiak, a South Bend attorney involved in the suit, said the band's response was strange given the circumstances of the fans' injuries.

"It's unusual to put the blame on victims. The concert wasn't canceled and they weren't told to leave. I can't imagine what the victims did to be at fault," Stesiak said Tuesday.

 "They had a duty to warn fans. An open and obvious danger is more like walking along a road and seeing a downed power line and walking over it anyway. The storm wasn't like that."

Lawyers for the band are seeking a jury trial.

In a Jan. 16 deposition on a lawsuit against the company that built the stage rigging, Indiana State Fair Commission Executive Director Cindy Hoye testified that Sugarland resisted delaying the start of the concert despite threatening weather.

Hoye said a representative for a conc ert promotion company working with the fair twice approached Sugarland about the fair's desire to delay the show.

 But Hoye said the band expressed concerns about how a delay would affect the time Nettles needed to warm up and complicate the band's travel to its next show.

Sugarland tour manager Hellen Rollens told investigators with the Indiana Occupational Safety and Health Administration that there was no discussion of delaying the show.

Earlier this month, Indiana regulators released a report saying Hoye and other fair officials were too slow to order an evacuation.

IOSHA fined the State Fair Commission $6,300 for failing to conduct proper safety evaluations of its concert venues. It also called the commission's emergency plan inadequate.

The agency also cited Mid-America, the company that erected the stage rigging, and the union whose members worked on the structure for various workplace violations.


298-Million-Year-Old Forest Found In Northern China (PHOTOS)

A fossilized, 298-million-year-old forest has been found under a coal mine near Wuda, in northern China.

Like the Roman city of Pompeii, the 10,763-square-foot (1,000-square-meter) peat forest was preserved by ash spewed out by the eruption of an ancient volcano.

The remarkable find--to be described in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences--gives a "snapshot" of the climate and ecology at the time of the eruption.

 It was the result of a collaboration between University of Pennsylvania paleobotanist Hermann Pfefferkorn and Jun Wang of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, Yi Zhang of Shenyang Normal University and Zhuo Feng of Yunnan University.

"It's marvelously preserved," Pfefferkorn said of the forest in a written statement released by Penn. "We can stand there and find a branch with the leaves attached, and then we find the next branch and the next branch and the next branch. And then we find the stump from the same tree.

That's really exciting."

Those sentiments were echoed by Robert Gastaldo, a paleobiologist at Colby College in Waterville, Maine.
“This is a wonderful study,” Gastaldo told Nature.

“Many of these plant groups we knew from other places, but we had no idea that they actually grew together.”

Check out artist Ren Yugao's paintings of the ancient forest. The scientists worked with Yugao to accurately capture how the sites looked at that time. 



White House Apologizes For Quran Burning


WASHINGTON -- The White House is apologizing for the burning of Muslim holy books in a pile of garbage at a U.S. military base in Afghanistan.

Press secretary Jay Carney says it's a "deeply unfortunate incident" and doesn't reflect the respect the U.S. military has for the religious practices of the Afghan people.

Carney echoed military officials Tuesday in saying that the Quran burning at Bagram Air Field happened unintentionally, and that an investigation was being undertaken to understand why it did and ensure it didn't happen again.

A Western military official said the Qurans were removed from a library at a nearby detention center because they contained extremist messages. Carney didn't address those specifics, referring questions to defense officials.

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Kristy Gaffney Fights For Child After 'Unknowingly' Signing Adoption Papers With Man She Met Online

A Pennsylvania woman is fighting for her child after she says the man she met online had her sign papers that turned over custody of their child to his wife.

Kristy Gaffney met her lover Emmitt Dippold on an online dating site, and the couple eventually developed a close relationship, NBC 10 Philadelphia reports.

When Gaffney became pregnant, Dippold presented her with papers that Gaffney says he explained would give him partial custody of the child.

Dippold had previously revealed that he didn't have children because his wife had trouble conceiving.

But when Dippold didn't return with their child one day, Gaffney told NBC 10 that he revealed that the documents were actually adoption papers giving Dippold and his wife -- to whom he was still married -- custody of the child.

Gaffney went to court to overturn the adoption, and the judge ruled in her favor. However, the couple plans to appeal the decision.

While Gaffney might have found herself at the center of an unexpected adoption case, her story is certainly not the first to take a sudden turn.
After raising five daughters, Anita Tedaldi adopted a baby boy to fulfill a dream of adopting a child.

However, 18 months into their time together, the mother gave back the child because she felt they weren't bonding.

Tedaldi said the decision was difficult, but the baby was later placed with another family.

In 2010, Torry Hansen also decided she didn't want her adopted son and sent the boy, who was 7 at the time, on a plane back to Russia with a note explaining he had psychological problems.

The adoption agency filed a child support suit against Hansen; The court date is set for March 27, 2012


Gaffney appeared on "TODAY" on Feb. 21 to share her story. Steven Silverman, Emmitt Dippold's lawyer, told NBC that the father doesn't want to bring the custody battle into the media spotlight.

"The document was signed in its entirety before two notaries, who have testified under oath in court that she signed the document," Silverman told the station.

"Emmitt Dippold has no interest in disparaging the birth mother. I'm here to make a plea to this women that it is not in the best interest of her daughter to create a media sensation about this baby."
Gaffney's 14-month-old daughter currently lives with the Dippolds.



Jason Campbell, Jenny Montes Wedding: Raiders QB Denies Leaving Fiancee At Altar


Oakland Raiders quarterback Jason Campbell was set to marry Jenny Montes over the weekend in the Dominican Republic but the wedding was unexpectedly called off at the last minute.

VIBE Vixen reported on Sunday that the 30-year-old quarterback "stood up" Montes, backing out of the wedding just hours before the ceremony.

On Tuesday, Campbell denied the report to The Washington Post, claiming the pair made a mutual decision to "put things off."

Per the Post report, the 162 guests who flew in for the occasion were told that the wedding had been called off but were not given an explanation why.

Campbell also refuted the rumors in a conversation with Kate Longworth of CSN Bay Area, telling her that it's not in his character to leave a fiancee at the alter.

Ryan Marquiss, Pennsylvania Boy, Survives With Heart Outside Body


A Pennsylvania boy has survived after being born with a condition that caused half of his heart to be formed outside his body.

Ryan Marquiss' heart was protruding out of his chest cavity and covered only by a thin membrane, a condition known as ectopia cordis, the Daily Mail reports.


Out of every million infants born with the condition, only five to eight survive.

The boy's survival is even more astonishing given he also suffered from hypoplastic right heart syndrome, a condition where only the left side of the heart properly develops.

Doctors discovered the child's heart defects during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy and warned parents Leighann and Henry Marquiss that the baby's chance of survival was slim.

Despite the odds, the pair refused to terminate the pregnancy, according to Fox News.
After undergoing dozens of operations, Ryan is now celebrating his 3rd birthday.

 Doctors had to place a shunt so that half a heart could do the job of a full heart and place tissue expanders under his skin so that they could cover the exposed heart.

Doctors believe he's the only child to survive with this deadly combination of heart conditions.

"The doctors told us that no baby with Ryan’s combination of defects had ever survived, so the fact that he is here with us today, is just amazing. He really has astounded everyone," Leighann Marquiss told the Daily Mail.
In 2009, ABC News reported on a similar story of Christopher Wall, a 33-year-old with ectopia cordis who also defied the odds and managed to live a "normal," active life despite his condition.

'I Was Basically Pro-Choice All My Life, Until I Ran For Congress'


WASHINGTON -- Prior to entering public office, former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum was a self-admitted pro-choice Republican unwilling to dabble in the cultural conservative politics that now defines his presidential campaign, a review of old campaign documents and interviews shows.

This past week, the Pennsylvania Republican-turned-GOP primary frontrunner made a number of eyebrow raising statements meant to demonstrate an uncompromising posture on social issues.

 He's questioned
President Obama's theology, argued that prenatal testing is a form of eugenics, and stated his opposition for contraception funding.

His campaign has insisted that these are side issues, but when pressed during an interview with MSNBC on Tuesday morning, Santorum's top spokesman Hogan Gidley exulted in his boss' consistency on such topics.

"I mean, that's who he is," Gidley said. "He doesn't have to tack to the right on social issues like Mitt Romney because he actually firmly believes those things."

But Santorum didn't always have such conviction on social policy. In his first run for office in 1990, his campaign put out an issue statement on abortion that, by today's standards, would put him among the moderates of the GOP.

Abortion, he wrote, requires "a sensitivity to the genuine concerns of both sides." While "government must be on the side of human life" he recognized that " it is very difficult to criminalize any activity once a large portion of society comes to see it as a 'right.'"






In practical terms, this meant opposing funding for agencies "whose family planning efforts have encouraged abortion" and support for "approaches (such as crisis-pregnancy centers) that care for the real needs of both the unborn child and the woman facing an extremely difficult situation.

" It also meant that he would not place emphasis on "advocating a Human Life Amendment" and that "abortion in 'hard cases' – rape, incest, and danger to the mother's health – cannot be prohibited by legislation."

During the 2012 presidential campaign, Santorum has argued that those exceptions should not be granted.

The 1990 issue statement was sent to the Huffington Post by an operative who worked on that campaign. Gidley did not return a request for comment on the matter.

As for its validity, a second Democratic source separately said he was "pretty sure" that was the same document.

The statement was referenced in several newspaper articles from that campaign, including a Pittsburgh Press report that noted he withdrew the statement "after settling on a position opposing most forms of legalized abortion."

The senator also discussed his pro-choice origins in an interview he gave five years after defeating Rep. Doug Walgren.

In a December 1995 Philadelphia Magazine article -- which the Huffington Post pulled from Temple

University archives -- Santorum conceded that he "was basically pro-choice all my life, until I ran for Congress... But it had never been something I thought about."

 Asked why he changed his mind, he said that he "sat down and read the literature. Scientific literature," only to correct himself and note that religion was a part of it too.

Gainesville High School Students' Racist YouTube Rant Forces Girls To Leave School, Apologize



After two minors from Gainesville High School in Gainesville, Fla., posted a nearly 14-minute-long racist rant on YouTube, the girls are "no longer students at the school," WCJB-TV reports.
(Scroll for video.)

Last week, eight police officers were brought to the campus in light of death threats the girls were receiving in response to their videos. The videos included comments like, "You can understand what we are saying, our accents, we use actual words. Black people do not."

Gainesville High School principal David Shelnutt did not go into detail on the extent of the disciplinary action taken against the girls, but did tell WCJB that their comments were not welcome at the school.

"There's no place for comments like that, that video here at GHS," Shelnutt told the station. "There's no place for that in the Alachua County Public School System, and my opinion, no place for that in society in general."

Since the video went viral last week, the girls have experienced harassment and said they feared for their safety. According to one report by the Gainesville Sun, one of the students involved was hiding out at a relative's house while her mother was at work.

“Our lives have changed totally, 180 degrees," her mother told the paper. "This has made her an adult really quick.”
The girls and one of their parents issued a formal apology in the paper Monday:
"I am one of the girls who were in the racist video that got posted. I’m writing this so that I can tell people how truly sorry I am. I could never, in a million years, have pictured this happening with me involved. I wasn’t raised to hate people for their race, and I still don’t. I made a horrible decision in being a part of this video ... "
The girl also writes that she won't make excuses, but hopes the community will eventually forgive her.

In another apology, the second girl's mother says her daughter has gone into a depression following the backlash of the video, and hopes that the community will forgive her and end the harassment:
"While we can never take back the words and actions that these two children have said, we have to start to heal and forgive IMMEDIATELY. Stop the violent threats to our homes and our children, stop the anger, because this will solve absolutely nothing, and most importantly, look at yourself for change and love."
According to the Gainesville Sun, the high school will wear orange, the color of racial tolerance, this week as a sign of solidarity.

The response to the girls' videos echos sentiments of racial issues in school communities across the country.
Just last summer, 18-year-old Kymberly Wimberly of Arkansas filed suit against McGehee Secondary School after four years of nearly straight-

As, honors and Advanced Placement classes had placed her at the top of her graduating class. The suit alleges that though she earned the marks, the school denied her valedictorian status because she is black.

A separate suit filed against a Minnesota school district last August claimed that a Red Wing High School homecoming event called "Wigger Day" caused a black student "severe emotional distress including depression, loss of sleep, stress, crying, humiliation, anxiety, and shame."

"Wigger is a pejorative slang term for a white person who emulates the mannerisms, language and fashions associated with African-American culture," the complaint explains.

Students were encouraged to dress in oversized sports jerseys, low-slung pants, baseball hats cocked to the side and 'doo rags.

Most recently in Norcross, Ga., a Beaver Ridge Elementary School teacher resigned after outcry over a third grade math assignment that used slavery examples in word problems.

Parents were outraged at both the assignment and the school district's response to the reports of those math problems, which included references to cotton, orange picking and beatings.

One problem read: "If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in 1 week?"

On the other end of the spectrum, this sensitivity -- or sometimes, lack thereof -- seems to create a bit of an identity crisis among schoolchildren.

Some black students say they feel ostracized for acting "too white." One Connecticut middle school student said he was stabbed in the back with a pencil by a peer who thought he wasn't acting "black enough."

Advance man for 'Amazing Race,' 'Whale Wars' fatally poisoned in Africa


Tragedy has hit a team in charge of facilitating challenges for “The Amazing Race” and other reality on the continent of Africa, a source close to the show tells FoxNews.com.

At least two freelance facilitating producers were poisoned -- one fatally -- after a failed shakedown attempt, t he source told FoxNews.com.

FoxNews.com also spoke with a person who identified herself as a family member who said the facilitator who died was Jeff Rice. 

The family member said Rice's body was found in Uganda.

Details are sketchy, but the source said that after refusing to give in to the demands of local thugs, Rice and another facilitator ended up very sick with poisoning of some kind. 

Rice was not currently working on “The Amazing Race,” but he had worked on Season 20, which premiered on CBS on Sunday. Rice had also worked on Animal Planet's "Whale Wars" and the South African version of "The Biggest Loser," along with several other series and television movies. 

A rep for Jerry Bruckheimer Films, the production company behind “The Amazing Race,” said that he had “no knowledge” of the incident.
CBS had no comment.

Facilitators are typically local people hired by production companies to make necessary arrangements with local officials before producers come in to shoot scenes for their shows.

“The Amazing Race” features multiple teams of two competing in a race around the world to win $1,000,000 in prize money. The series became a sensation when it first aired on CBS in September 2001 and continues to be one of the network's highest rated shows.

Suspect Says Angel Told Him To Kill


DECATUR, Ga. -- Prosecutors urged jurors Tuesday to dismiss a murder defendant's assertions that an angel who looked like Olivia Newton-John ordered him to fatally shoot a co-worker's husband outside a preschool.

They say Hemy Neuman was not delusional or insane and had planned the killing for months.

Neuman fell so hopelessly in love with Andrea Sneiderman, whom he supervised at General Electric, that he believed he was the father of her two children and that the only way to protect them was to kill Russell Sneiderman in November 2010, Neuman's attorney Doug Peters said during opening arguments.

"He thought Sophia and Ian were his children and that Rusty Sneiderman was a danger to them," said Peters, who contends his client is not guilty by reason of insanity because he couldn't tell the difference between right and wrong at the time of the killing.

Neuman believed an angel told him to pull the trigger, said Peters, who didn't give details.
Prosecutors, though, urged jurors to reject the insanity claim, arguing the 48-year-old Neuman meticulously planned the killing so he could be with Andrea Sneiderman. Prosecutors said Neuman will also claim he was visited by a demon who sounded like Barry White.

"I'll boil it down to a sentence: A man wanted someone else's wife so he killed her husband," said Don Geary, one of the prosecutors. "He got caught. We ask you to return a verdict that speaks the truth."

Her husband was shot to death shortly after dropping their 2-year-old son off at a day care center in Dunwoody, an affluent suburb north of Atlanta.

A bearded man in a hoodie approached Sneiderman, fired several shots and then hopped into a silver minivan and sped away. It happened so quickly that police initially believed it could have been a professional job.

At the center of the trial is Andrea Sneiderman. Peters said the two shared a string of "intimate relations" during business trips after he hired her in early 2010, but that she rebuffed his attempts to marry her. Prosecutors say she rejects the allegations and that Neuman could be hallucinating.

She testified Tuesday that Neuman seemed stable to her and that she rejected his advances.

Police interviewed Neuman six weeks after Sneiderman's death after detectives discovered that shortly before the shooting he rented a minivan matching the description of a vehicle seen driving away from the crime scene. He faces life in prison without parole if convicted.

 He'd be turned over to the state mental health system if found not guilty.

Neuman who also lived in the Atlanta suburbs had a troubled childhood and was constantly in fear of his father, who was wracked with guilt for having survived the Auschwitz death camp during the Holocaust while 11 other relatives died. He eventually moved from his home in Mexico to a boarding school in Israel, partly to get away from his father's volatile behavior.

"It was a life of anger, it was a life filled with terror, of not knowing when or why their father would explode with rage," Peters said.

He later graduated from Georgia Tech and bought a pricey home in a Cobb County subdivision after landing a job as a high-ranking manager at GE, where he made $180,000 a year and supervised 5,000 engineers and a $800 million budget, prosecutors said.

Neuman hired Andrea Sneiderman in early 2010 after she decided she needed to earn more money because her husband, a 36-year-old Harvard-trained entrepreneur, was having trouble finding steady work, attorneys said.

 They soon hit it off, and on work trips they would share long dinners, wine and occasionally romance, Neuman's defense team contends.

Prosecutors say Neuman began planning Russell Sneiderman's killing after she rebuffed one of his advances.

They say he bought a gun, took it to target practice and then on Nov. 10 camped outside Sneiderman's house to try to kill him.

 He bolted when Sneiderman, who couldn't recognize Neuman, startled him.

Nine days later, prosecutors say, Neuman arrived at his office earlier than usual - at 5:36 a.m. - and then sneaked out a back door to avoid security cameras and give himself an alibi.

 He then drove to the Dunwoody Prep day care center, shot Sneiderman four times and hopped in the minivan and tried to melt into morning rush traffic, they say.

Neuman was so callous about his actions that he returned to work a few hours later and later participated in the religious ceremonies of his victim's death, including the Jewish ritual of shoveling dirt on Sneiderman's grave at his funeral, Geary said.

Peters asked the jurors to pay careful attention to phone records between Neuman and Andrea Sneiderman, noting that the two exchanged three calls on the night before the shooting and that she called him six times in the hours after her husband was killed.

He also said his arguments that his client couldn't tell the difference between right and wrong during the killing are backed by evaluations from psychiatrists and mental health experts who diagnosed Neuman as bipolar and concluded he had a delusional disorder.

"This case is not about what happened. We know what happened," Peters said. "It's about why."

Investment Banking May Be Bad For You, Study Finds -- And 7 Other Jobs Linked With Health Risks

According to a recent study from the University of Southern California, Wall Street life may not be as great as it seems -- at least, when it comes to health

The study, to be published in the journal Administrative Science Quarterly, looked at two dozen young investment bankers who worked between 80 to 120 hours a week (going to work around 6 a.m. and leaving work around midnight, according to the Wall Street Journal).

The researchers found that as time went on they had increased risks of health problems like alcoholism, arthritis and Crohn's disease.

Alden Cass, a clinical psychologist based in New York, told the Wall Street Journal that bankers have an increased risk of mental health issues and burnout because their jobs can be so volatile.

Just last year, a study conducted by Concordia University researchers in the journal BMC Public Health showed that stress in the workplace is only growing. Up to 26 percent of people in high-stress jobs have seen a health professional regarding a stress-related condition, according to the study.

Another study, published last year in the journal Occupational and Environmental Medicine, suggested that having a poorly paid and supported job is just as miserable as having no job at all.

It's understandable that the bills have to be paid somehow. So what's there to do if your job is just plain bumming you out -- mentally and/or physically?
WebMD recommends making sure to have some free time in your weekly schedule, whether it's spent with friends or your significant other, as well as time to exercise.

"Research shows exercise can help you to be more alert," Robert Brooks, PhD, co-author of "The Power of Resilience: Achieving Balance, Confidence, and Personal Strength in Your Life," told WebMD.

 "And I've noticed that when I don't exercise because I'm trying to squeeze in another half hour of writing, I don't feel as alert."

And for those of us who are desk jockeys, it's not hard to be reminded that we sit and sit and sit for eight or more hours a day -- which many studies have shown is linked with an increased risk of diabetes, cancer and even death.

To stay fit at your desk, there are a number of healthy choices you can make, like taking walking meetings instead of sitting meetings, stretching regularly and taking the stairs to the upper floor instead of the elevator.

Of course, every job comes with its health risks. Here's a round-up of seven kinds of jobs that have been linked to certain physical and mental health issues.


"Standing" Jobs And Arthritis
 
 
Everyday Health reported that foot arthritis can be a health risk for people who have to stand a lot for work -- including teachers -- because they are on their feet all day.

Therefore, people who have to stand a lot for their jobs should choose to regularly wear comfortable shoes and not high heels, according to Everyday Health, because wearing high heels can put stress on the joints in your feet.

In fact, standing too long -- as well as other factors like being overweight or having higher or flat arches -- are linked with an increased risk of many kinds of arthritis, according to Arthritis Today 
 
Soldiers And Stress.
 
The enlisted solider topped this year's CareerCast.com ranking of the most stressful jobs. The ranking took into account factors like physical demands, risks to your life or to others' lives, competitiveness, deadlines and meeting with the public.

Firefighters ranked second on the 2012 list, and airline pilots ranked third.
 Construction Work And Lung Problems 


Health.com reported that inhaled dust from construction could put workers at risk for lung problems like cancer, asbestosis and mesothelioma.

In fact, occupational lung disease is the No. 1 cause of work-related illness, according to Oregon State University.

Symptoms include chest tightness, coughing, shortness of breath and breathing abnormally, according to OSU, and the disease can be caused by either by long-term exposure to the hazard, or by a particularly bad one-time exposure to the hazard. 
 
 Overtime Work And Depression
 
Working overtime -- 11 or more hours a day -- is linked with a more than doubled risk of a major depressive episode, compared with people who work the more standard seven to eight hours a day, according to a recent PLoS ONE study.

Researchers from the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health and University College London looked at health and work data from 2,000 middle-aged Brits over a nearly 6-year period, and saw that there was a definite link between overtime hours worked and depression risk.


Dancers And Divorce
 
According to 2000 Census data analyzed in a Radford University study, dancers have the highest rate of divorce, at 43 percent, and bartenders have the second highest rate, at 38 percent, Men's Health reported.

Other surprising jobs also made the top list, with roofers having a 27 percent divorce rate and sailors having a 26 percent divorce rate, according to Men's Health.
 

Monday, 20 February 2012

Should Schools Teach Teens How To Be Good Spouses?





If we take classes to learn the skills we need to survive in the world at large, as well as the working world, should we take classes to learn how to be a good spouse, too?

About a week ago, Utah Rep. Dixon Pitcher introduced a bill that would require would-be spouses to wait at least three days after obtaining a license before getting married, unless they took premarital training first.

Wyoming introduced a similar bill; couples that didn't attend three hours of marriage counseling would have to wait a year before getting a marriage license.

Other states have tried to pass legislation that would require counseling before couples could divorce.
Clearly there's a movement to get people -- with the help of teachers and counselors -- to think before marrying or divorcing. It sounds like a good idea, but do marriage prep courses work?

Yes and no, according to a 2010 Brigham Young University study, which examined about 50 such classes around the country. Yes, the classes significantly increased couples' communication skills.

 No, the classes didn't improve relationship quality or satisfaction.

As one researcher noted, "Engaged couples are so in love that they can't be more satisfied. Their heads are bumping against the ceiling."

Maybe trying to talk sense into young lovers who are about to walk down the aisle is too late. Perhaps we should start talking about what makes for a healthy marriage in high school; at least that's what the majority of responders in an informal survey Susan Pease Gadoua and I offered as part of our research for our book,
"The New I Do," indicated.

Is there a place for marital education amid algebra, environmental ed and world history classes?
Some high schools already offer that.

 In 1998, Florida became the first state to require a class on relationships and marriage for high school students, part of a larger plan to encourage marriage skills by discounting marriage licenses for couples that take a premarital skills course.

 The mandate hasn't had much impact because "loopholes in the law make it easy to avoid changing the education curriculum," according to the conservative Heritage Foundation.

Loopholes or not, many see a need for such high school classes. In 2000, long-time teacher Marlene Pearson was asked by the National Marriage Project to review the effectiveness of several marriage and relationship programs used in schools. As she says in her study, "Can Kids Get Smart About Marriage," youths are:

Confused and misguided about the differences between sex and love, living together and marriage, manhood and fatherhood. They get little help or accurate information from their elders.
 The Baby Boom generation, veterans of the sexual and divorce revolution, has little to say, and certainly not much good to say, about marriage.

This leaves young people like my students with few clues as to how they achieve a goal they almost universally seek.

They have to try to figure it out by themselves. But the sad truth is that it is hard to figure out marriage on your own.

 Most young adults in most societies across the world are able to depend on the teachings and traditions of the larger community in life matters as consequential as finding a lifelong mate and getting married.

But very little guidance is available in our society today, and what guidance there is comes from Hollywood and Madison Avenue.

As a result, young adults are floundering and often failing in their personal and family lives.

But are high schools -- most of which have had to lay off teachers and staff because of budget cutbacks and are struggling to boost academic scores to keep up with new legislation -- the best place to teach kids about marriage?

As a spokesman for the Florida Education Association noted, "Were schools designed to do this much socialization and values clarification? Many teachers would argue it would be great if they could focus more on academic subjects and worry less about these."

At one point, eight other states besides Florida addressed statewide school-based marriage education. Initiatives failed in Arizona, Utah and New Mexico. South Carolina dropped a program after using it for five years.

South Dakota uses the Connections curriculum, which focuses on marriage and relationship communications skills; a 2004 study of the program found marginal success -- some students felt somewhat more negatively about divorce and somewhat more positively toward premarital counseling.

But because it was an elective class, the students who most needed to learn marital skills didn't benefit because they didn't sign up for the class.

Are teenagers good subjects for learning marital skills anyway? Maybe, especially if you look at them in love.

 Adolescents "are often more focused on how they feel about the relationship and what they are getting out of it rather than a mutual process that includes how the other person feels about the relationship," according to Brenda McDaniel, assistant professor of psychology at Kansas State University, who has been studying
 how 18- to 20-year-old dating couples handle conflict.

But the bigger question is, what marital skills do we teach and what kind of marriage are we talking about? "Traditional" marriage, as the Heritage Foundation stresses?

 What do we teach teens who are gay or lesbian, or kids who are being raised by choice mothers or have two fathers or two mothers? What message will we send teens if schools promote a husband-wife marriage as the only healthy -- or "real" -- relationship?

Should we be teaching teens how to be a good spouse? And, if so, what do we teach and who should do it?

NASCAR wise to keep 'General Lee' in park Read more: http://aol.sportingnews.com/nascar/story/2012-02-19/nascar-wise-to-keep-general-lee-in-park?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmaing6%7Cdl8%7Csec1_lnk1%26pLid%3D137010#ixzz1mzcyDB5U


Hold your fire, flag wavers.

NASCAR is just taking care of business. Let’s face it, alienating the majority of American consumers is no way to make money. The fact it’s also the right thing to do is beside today’s point.

Not surprising, a lot of people aren’t seeing it that way. To them, banning General Lee is just another case of NASCAR spitting on its heritage.

General Lee, you may recall, was probably the finest actor on the '80s TV show The Dukes of Hazzard. Pro golfer Bubba Watson bought the 1969 Dodge Charger for $110,000.

He was supposed to drive it on the parade lap before the Subway Fresh Fit 500. The problem is that General Lee has a big rebel flag painted on its roof.

“The image of the Confederate flag is not something that should play an official role in our sport as we continue to reach out to new fans and make NASCAR more inclusive,” spokesman David Higdon said.

To which the flag-wavers say, well, they can barely talk at the moment.
“It makes me want to vomit.”

So read one of the many Internet comments. Based on my unscientific survey they are running about 102.7 percent against the decision. More samples:

“This isn’t America. It’s Communist Russia.”
“Just one more example of NASCAR abandoning its traditional fans. Bill France Sr. is rolling over in his grave.”

A former U.S. congressman has even weighed in.

“It is a disgraceful and gratuitous insult to a lot of very decent people. It is prejudicial toward those good-hearted folks, who, like Uncle Jesse Duke, are in fact, ‘never meaning’ no harm.’ ”

So said former Georgia representative Ben Jones. He’s better known as ace mechanic “Cooter” Davenport on The Dukes of Hazzard, so he’s not exactly emotionally detached.

When it comes to the rebel flag, few people are. We’re not going to settle the Heritage-vs.-Hate debate here, though feel free to bombard us with your views on what a great guy Robert E. Lee was.

Heck, you don’t have to convince me. I graduated from Robert E. Lee High. My great-great-grandfather fought for the South. I honor his courage and know the Civil War was more complex than anti-flag groups care to ponder.

But the bottom line is that battle is over. Just ask Johnny Rebel at Ole Miss or anyone who has visited the South Carolina State House.

 Waving the flag doesn’t stamp you a racist, but it has become a symbol of intolerance and slavery to millions of people.

Why insult them?

That’s NASCAR’s calculation, and Big Bill France was nothing if not a good calculator. He took a ragtag bunch of moonshiners and started a multibillion dollar enterprise.

Now his grandson, Brian, is running the business. Business hasn’t kept booming the past few years, which critics say proves NASCAR’s attempts at “inclusiveness” have backfired.

I think it’s more because of the economy, boring races and a business hitting its growth ceiling. Despite all that, International Speedway Corp.

 profits were up 4.5 percent last year. And 71 percent of that stock is owned by Big Bill’s heirs.
I doubt profits would have improved if NASCAR went back to the good ol' boy days. If you want a good chuckle, check out this video of the 1968 Southern 500.

You have to admire how an obviously spent Cale Yarbrough found the strength to carry the rebel flag on his victory lap.

 And how some flunkie held it as a backdrop as Yarbrough and Miss Southern 500 sat on the roof posing for pictures.

That didn’t bother too many people back then. Neither did all-white college football teams.
But imagine a Southern 500 replay at the upcoming Daytona 500.

 Talk about marketing suicide. The CEOs of every NASCAR sponsor would storm France’s skybox and throw him off the roof.

But wait, you say. General Lee was just a mechanical character on a goofy TV show.

“Obviously, I don’t stand for the Confederate flag,” Watson said. “The Confederate flag was not used (in the show) for what people see it as today.”

He’s right, but a whole lot of people would not get the distinction. Uncle Duke and Cooter should accept that this ain’t 1968 anymore.

NASCAR values your business. But if it has to choose between you and appealing to the anti-flag demographic, visit Big Bill France’s grave.

That noise is not a rebel rolling over.

It’s the sound of a businessman nodding his head in approval.

British Fugitive 'Fast' Eddie Maher Lived Inconspicuous Life In US (VIDEO)

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- On the surface, Edward Maher and his wife appeared to enjoy a comfortable middle-class life. They had homes in quiet neighborhoods, drove late-model cars and took occasional weekend trips. They raised two sons.

But beneath that veneer lay a darker past: Maher was an international fugitive – wanted in Britain on allegations that he stole a fortune worth $1.5 million back in 1993 while working as a security guard for an armored truck company.

When he was captured in rural Missouri, the suspect dubbed "Fast Eddie" by the British media had managed to evade arrest for nearly two decades. Public records and interviews with neighbors suggest he did so mostly by living an inconspicuous life of unremarkable jobs and making frequent, sometimes abrupt cross-country moves.

Maher's adult son, Lee, claims his parents did not tell him anything about their real identities until shortly before his father was arrested Feb. 8
.
"I had just found out that my life is ... not anything that I thought it was," the 23-year-old Maher said in a phone interview.

Growing up, he said, "nothing ever seemed out of the ordinary. It's not something I would even consider because everything was so normal. It really kills me for it to be portrayed this way. I had no idea."

Prior to his arrest, Maher was last seen sitting in an armored truck in Britain, waiting for a fellow security guard to return from a bank with a load of cash. Maher, who was then in his mid-30s, vanished, along with the armored truck.

The vehicle was later found abandoned. Fifty bags of coins and currency were gone.
Authorities offered a reward. Sightings were reported across Europe. But Maher's trail quickly went cold.
At some point, the family fled to the U.S., where Maher often used a brother's name or the alias Stephen King.

No one knows what happened to the money. Spread over nearly two decades, the stolen cash would amount to $75,000 a year – enough for a contented, though not extravagant lifestyle.

To throw off any pursuers, Maher sometimes uprooted the family. At least once, they left in the dark without saying goodbye.

"They literally packed up and moved in the middle of the night," said Betsy Voit, a neighbor when they lived in Grafton, Wis., about 25 miles north of Milwaukee.

Jim Coffey lived across the street from the "Kings" in Laconia, N.H., for several years in the 1990s. He described them as a quiet, seemingly affluent family.

"They were always buying things," Coffey said. "They put in a new pool. They were always doing something around the house."

The man Coffey knew as Stephen King was a "very pleasant fellow" who spoke with a British accent. One day, a truck from the Fast Cash Trading Center in nearby Tilton showed up and took away most of the furniture. King's explanation was that they were buying new furniture.

"Next thing you knew, they were gone," Coffey said. "They were here one day and disappeared the next."
By 2004, the family was living in Philadelphia, where Maher worked for Nielsen Media Research as a field representative and supervisor.

 They then moved to Milwaukee, where he became a field supervisor for the company in 2005 and a regional manager in the St. Paul, Minn., area in 2007. He was laid off from Nielsen in 2008.

His wife, Deborah Ann Brett, who went by Sarah, acknowledged to neighbors that the family had guns. But she didn't want anyone to worry. The weapons were always locked up, Voit said, and the Maher family used to go to a firing range regularly.

Sarah didn't often open up about her background. She said the family had moved from Pennsylvania because of Maher's job, and she showed Voit a photograph of their old house, a home that Voit described as a "mansion."

In Wisconsin, the family lived in a two-story townhome near a large park. Voit said they never flaunted any wealth, but they also spent freely.

They bought four expensive mountain bikes, which they used for several months and then abandoned in Voit's backyard when they moved away.

Sarah, a homemaker, once mentioned to Voit that her family needed a second vehicle. Shortly thereafter, her husband drove up in a decked-out SUV for her.

"The one thing I remember her saying was that they didn't believe in payments," Voit said. They preferred to pay in cash.

Sometime in 2008, the family moved to the small town of Ozark, Mo. And in 2010, the family's finances soured so badly that they filed for bankruptcy.

Maher, now making about $2,000 a month as a cable technician, reported having only $85 in his checking account and a slew of bills from hospitals, dentists and credit card companies. The Internal Revenue Service was after him for $3,148 for back taxes.

Hannah Evans, a former girlfriend of Lee Maher's who says she's pregnant with his child, described the family as traditional. The father was the boss.

"When Mike came home it was about Mike. You had to be quiet, and Sarah devoted all of this attention to him," said Evans, who lives in Springfield. "It was like their family felt very kind of 1950s. ... He's in charge, what he says goes. It's all about pleasing him."

Early in their relationship, Lee told her that he had learned as a teenager that he had actually been born in Britain and that his father had a different identity, Evans said.

Months later, after she told Lee she wanted to break up – in part because of his "constant lying" – he shared the story of "Fast Eddie" and said his father had robbed the armored car. She felt that was Lee's way of explaining his own penchant for lies.

"He said `This is just how I am. I've been trained to lie by my parents because they've lied to me,'" Evans said.

Lee Maher denied knowing anything about his father's earlier life until this month.
Evans said she did an Internet search then for "Fast Eddie" and found only a rapper under that name, so assumed it was "another of Lee's lies."

But soon authorities were in pursuit. Ozark police, working on a tip, contacted the FBI about Maher. They had heard he was a possible fugitive, but there was no active warrant that would justify an arrest. Authorities then determined he was in the U.S. illegally and picked him up on a weapons charge. He acknowledged using a fake name and was jailed.

British police have asked that Maher, now 56, be returned to his home country, but the extradition process could take months.

The day after Maher's arrest, his wife appeared wan but resolute. She declined to discuss the family's past or any criminal allegations. But she said if Maher is sent back to Britain, the family will go there with him.

"He's a wonderful father and a wonderful husband," she said, patting the head of her younger son. "He's never hurt anybody."

Sudekum reported from Kansas City and Ozark, Mo. Associated Press writers Dinesh Ramde in Grafton, Wis.; Lynne Tuohy in Concord, N.H; Steve Karnowski in Woodbury, Minn.; and Jill Lawless in London also contributed to this report.

Bobbi Kristina In Danger After Whitney Houston’s Burial



Description:Now that Whitney Houston’s body has been laid to rest, daughter Bobbi Kristina is left to face the world without her mother’s guidance and many are fearing the worst will happen to her. 

Rumors hinted at possible drug use by Bobbi Kristina right after her mom’s funeral. Following the ceremony, Bobbi Kristina disappeared and family members frantically tried to find her.

 According to those connected with the family, Bobbi Kristina has struggled with substance abuse for the last three years. In Marc (1:16)

Monaco Prince Pierre Casiraghi Bloodied After Brawl In NYC Bar




NEW YORK — A grandson of the late Princess Grace of Monaco has been briefly hospitalized after a brawl in a New York City nightclub.

Prince Pierre Casiraghi (cah-zee-RAH'-ghee) suffered cuts to his face during the brawl. Former nightclub owner Adam Hock was arraigned Sunday on charges of assaulting the prince and three friends at the Double Seven nightspot in Manhattan's Meatpacking District.

An attorney who represents the 24-year-old prince tells The Associated Press that Casiraghi was treated at a hospital and released after Saturday's brawl. Attorney Richard Golub says Casiraghi's group did not "instigate anything" or provoke the attack.

But Hock tells the New York Post ( ) the prince and his entourage "were being completely obnoxious," verbally abusing women with him. http://nyp.st/A9kKG1

Also punched in the melee was shipping heir Stavros Niarchos III.

Erin Brown Faces 30 Years In Prison For Giving Drunk Boyfriend The Keys (VIDEO)





If someone's been drinking, you usually take away their car keys, not give them yours.
Erin Brown did just that and now the resident of Hermitage, Tenn., faces 30 years in prison.

Back in December, Brown, 21, gave her car keys to her boyfriend, 23-year-old Trevor Bradshaw, thinking he was sober enough to drive
.
Bradshaw wasn't and, as a result, he struck two pedestrians -- Michael Brooksher, 22, and Tommy Allen, 23 -- both of whom died, according to the Tennessean.

Bradshaw was charged with vehicular homicide and assault, and, if convicted, could serve a 30-year sentence.

In an unusual twist, however, Brown faces the same charges as her boyfriend, even though she had just been a passenger during the accident.

In Tennessee, vehicular homicide can be charged to someone who knowingly gives their vehicle to an inebriated driver, according to Gather.com's Abby Greenhill.
 
But being charged with a crime and being convicted of one are two different matters. Brown's lawyer, Nashville attorney Richard McGee, told the Tennessean that the district attorney would have “an awfully high bar to clear” to prove the charges against his client, an opinion shared by Nashville criminal defense attorney Joel Crim.
Brown wouldn't be the first non-driver prosecuted under this vehicular homicide law. The Daily Mail points out that in 2007 Tennessee Titans quarterback Steve McNair was arrested for letting his drunk friend drive his pickup. All charges were later dismissed.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

How to Have a Healthy Smile at Every Age

Smiles can be very moving and emotional — whether it’s a baby beaming at you, a loved one expressing joy, or even a stranger showing you some kindness.

 A great smile can also elicit a whole range of responses from laughter to empathy — and smiling may even make you look younger, according to a recent study conducted at the Max Planck Institute in Germany. But like the rest of our bodies, our smiles change as we age.

“In very general terms, just living life (and getting older) is going to affect your smile,” says Tom Connelly, DDS, New York City-based cosmetic dentist and weekly contributor to the Huffington Post.

Your best bet for maintaining a beautiful smile from birth through your golden years is to practice good oral hygiene, go for regular dental checkups and cleanings, eat a healthy diet, and take care of any dental concerns as they arise.

Learn more about a lifetime of smiles and how to treat your teeth at every age.


Moshe Kai Cavalin, 14-Year-Old Boy Genius, Writes Book Revealing Life In College At Age 8 (VIDEO)




LOS ANGELES — The one thing 14-year-old Moshe Kai Cavalin dislikes is being called a genius.
All he did, after all, was enroll in college at age 8 and earn his first of two Associate of Arts degrees from East Los Angeles Community College in 2009 at age 11, graduating with a perfect 4.0 grade point average.

Now, at 14, he's poised to graduate from UCLA this year. He's also just published an English edition of his first book, "We Can Do."

The 100-page guideline explains how other young people can accomplish what Cavalin did through such simple acts as keeping themselves focused and approaching everything with total commitment. He's hoping it will show people there's no genius involved, just hard work.

"That's always the question that bothers me," Cavalin, who turned 14 on Valentine's Day, says when the G-word is raised. "People need to know you don't really need to be a genius. You just have to work hard and you can accomplish anything."
And maybe cut out some of the TV.

Although he's a big fan of Jackie Chan movies, Cavalin says he limits his television time to four hours a week.

Not that he lacks for recreational activities or feels that his parents pressured him into studying constantly. He writes in "We Can Do" of learning to scuba dive, and he loves soccer and martial arts.

 He used to participate in the latter sport when he was younger, winning trophies for his age group, until his UCLA studies and his writing made things a little too hectic.

Indeed one of the key messages of his book is to stay focused and to not take on any endeavor half-heartedly.
"I was able to reach the stars, but others can reach the `Milky Way," he tells readers.

It was a professor at his first institution of higher learning, East Los Angeles City College, who inspired him, Cavalin says. He didn't like the subject but managed to get an A in it anyway, by applying himself and seeing how enthusiastic his teacher, Richard Avila, was about the subject.

Avila, he says, inspired him to write a book explaining his methods for success so he could motivate others.
It took four years to finish, in part because Cavalin, whose mother is Chinese, decided to publish it in Chinese, and doing the translation himself was laborious.

Han Shian Culture Publishing of Taiwan put the book in print, and it did well in Taiwan, Singapore and Malaysia, as well in several bookstores in Southern California's Asian communities. He then brought it out in English for the U.S. market.

Because of his heavy study load, Cavalin has had little opportunity to promote the book, other than a signing at UCLA, where he also lives in student housing with his parents and attends the school on a scholarship.

After earning his bachelor's degree, the math major plans to enroll in graduate school with hopes of eventually earning a doctorate.
After that, he's not so sure. He points out that he's still just barely a teenager.

"Who knows?" he says, chuckling at the thought of what lies ahead in adulthood. "That's a very distant future, and I'm pretty much planning for just the next few years. That's too far into the future for me to see."

My Child's Dream: To Have Friends




Soon after our son Ben was born, a geneticist gave us the news that our baby had a greater than 50 per cent chance of having a rare genetic disorder.

After listening to a vague description of potential bone and development problems, and clinging to the stat that 25 per cent of these kids were intellectually 'normal,' my husband asked, through silent tears:

 "But will he still be able to run and jump and play with his friends?"

At the time, we didn't question that Ben would have friends.

We didn't know that being friendless was the norm for kids with physical and intellectual disabilities.
I really DON'T want to write this post.

I don't want to believe that my son will never be able to develop friends naturally because he can't speak, looks different, can't keep up physically or intellectually with his peers and does things that aren't 'cool' for his age.

But in the last few weeks, the evidence outside our own personal experience has been mounting, and continues to slap me in the face.

It started with a British study -- aptly named Does Every Child Matter? Researchers followed children with disabilities and their families through interviews and observation for 32 months.

 One of the key findings was that parents face huge pressure to 'make their child normal' and when they aren't successful, the child and family are excluded -- from friendships, at school and in the community.

 The biggest barrier to participating in sports or community activities was not access or transportation, but attitudes.

 Children participated in segregated community programs, researchers found, because they had no other choice.

 At school, they were segregated because of the requirement to be 'able' and to develop typically, and because special-ed policies have placed the 'problem' of disability within the child, instead of within the disabling environment, the scientists said.

Then there was the Holland Bloorview research that showed teachers and students alike shut out kids with cerebral palsy in regular classes. "The kids act like I am invisible," one participant said.

And it's not just the children. A teacher turns off a student's communication device, rendering the student silent. Another teacher refuses to allow a child to have a bathroom communication button -- so the child, toilet-trained, must wear diapers.

The reason? The button would disturb other students.

And the final nail in the coffin? In Dr. Anne Snowdon's recent study of 166 families in three Canadian cities, more than half of children with physical and developmental disabilities have no friends or only one friend.

Only 1 per cent spend an hour a day with a friend.
Can you imagine the outcry if any other population of Canadian children was found to be this isolated and alone?

Reporting on Snowdon's study, André Picard writes in The Globe and Mail: "In childhood, efforts are made, but by the time kids hit age 10 or so, when cliques and social circles form outside of parental control, ostracization and isolation is near complete."

According to a U.S. National Institutes of Health funded study in Ontario, the teen years are particularly difficult. While peers become involved in a growing array of activities that widens their social network, teens with disabilities tend to stick with the same activities, often with family members.

Ben wants friends. I used to love watching him stand as a small child at the window, signing, "Friends, where?" as we waited for the birthday party guests to arrive.

When he was younger, he had some authentic friends. In particular, students rose to the occasion at an alternative elementary school he attended that had a philosophy of promoting diversity.

 There was Adaku, a girl who was fascinated with sign language, came for play dates and regularly spent time with Ben. She read his poem about a gorilla at a school function.

There was Eli. One day another student questioned Eli about his friendship with Ben, and Eli responded by saying: "Ben? He's one of my best friends" and put his arm around Ben's shoulders.

But things got trickier as the kids moved into puberty: they were now twice the size of Ben, who has a form of dwarfism, we still hadn't found a reliable way for Ben to communicate, and he couldn't keep up intellectually or socially.

 He had one good year at the Metro School for the Deaf -- a segregated program within a regular elementary school. The kids were fond of him, he occasionally had students over, and he liked the kids who rode his bus.
Friendships didn't materialize at his segregated high school 40 minutes away: all the students were bussed in and lived in different parts of the city. If you invited kids to a party, parents never RSVP'd and often the kids didn't show.

 Ben's school reports indicated that he had no contact with the other students -- which was hard for me to believe, because he is sociable.

I have a meeting at Ben's mainstream school in a week and I want to know whether he's made any progress socially there. He doesn't get phone calls or texts with constant requests to go out like the rest of my children. His weekends are free.

 He still doesn't have a way to clearly communicate with people, which seems to be the basis of all friendship.

 He does have guts. He was the only student in the deaf and hard of hearing program who went to the school's Halloween dance (with his worker Marjorie).

 Apparently some girls asked him to dance. When we did his life plan, I wrote out about a dozen possible dreams for the future, and he immediately scanned through them and pointed to "have friends."

I read the comments posted on media stories about research showing exclusion of children with disabilities. Many have disturbing, although predictable, themes: You can't 'force' a child to be friends with a disabled child;

 Parents should have aborted their kids so they didn't have to experience this misery; Why would a child invest time in a disabled child when he or she could get so much more from a typical child?; Any relationship between a disabled and typical child involves charity on the part of the 'regular' one.

If the parents and brothers and sisters of our children have meaningful relationships with them -- why can't anyone else?

No Ordinary Boy author Jennifer Johannesen and I were discussing this the other day. She pointed out that although workers had authentic relationships with her son Owen, she had to pay them to spend the time with Owen -- time that was necessary to get to know the boy inside.

And perhaps that is the bottom line. It takes more time than any teenager is willing to spend to get to know our kids, who are often locked in bodies that limit self-expression.

I didn't want to write this article. But when I came in today, I read this blog entry by Ben's worker Marjorie: 'It's fine, I don't care.' It's about a Super Bowl party one of her adult clients organized. Most of the friends he invited from college didn't come. "It's fine, I don't care," he said.

Marjorie writes: "I once took a small conference with David Hingsburger, and he said something I will never forget: 'You will always be more important in the life of someone with a disability than they are in yours.'"

I'm assuming Hingsburger was referring to how few friends disabled youth have compared to their peers -- which would mean that any friendship is more valued by them.

But it really bothered me, reading that quote. It suggests that the person with disabilities always has less to bring to the relationship. Which is wrong.

The whole topic of youth with disabilities and social isolation makes my blood boil.